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Why Guitars Are Better Than Men

  • Guitars don't work late.
  • Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.
  • Guitars don't have parents or kids.
  • Guitars don't get sick.
  • Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.
  • If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
  • Your Guitar always has time for you.
  • Guitars don't watch TV.
  • Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.
  • Guitars don't snore.
  • Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
  • If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
  • You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.
  • You don't have to feed your Guitar.
  • Guitars never argue, you are always right.
  • Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
  • Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.
  • Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.
  • Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
  • Guitars don't care if you have to work late.
  • When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
  • Guitars don't care about their performance.
  • Guitars don't get you pregnant.
  • Guitars don't have mothers.
  • When you've finished playing, you can put it away.
  • You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.
  • Guitars don't sulk.
  • Guitars don't bore you.
  • Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.
  • Guitars don't have to prove anything.
  • Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.
  • Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
  • Guitars never interrogate you.
  • Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.
  • Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.
  • You don't have to explain to a Guitar if you don't feel like playing tonight.
  • Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.
  • Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
  • Guitars don't have egos.
  • Guitars don't need remote control units.
  • When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.
  • When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.
  • When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accommodate.
  • You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
  • You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
  • You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
  • Your Guitar never finishes before you do.
  • Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
  • You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.
  • Your Guitars will allow you to play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.
  • Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.
  • When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it can be fixed).
  • Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
  • Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.

and last, but not least:

  • Your Guitar will never turn into a beer bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.