Why Guitars Are
Better Than Men
- Guitars don't work late.
- Your Guitar stays as clean as
you want it to.
- Guitars don't have parents or
- Guitars don't get sick.
- Guitars don't get overweight,
unless you like the Jumbo style.
- If you say bad things to your
Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
- Your Guitar always has time for
- Guitars don't watch TV.
- Guitars never need a shave, nor
do they have hair on their backs.
- Guitars don't snore.
- Guitars don't leave a mess in
the kitchen or bathroom.
- If you don't like the length of
your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
- You can try out as many Guitars
as you like before you get your own.
- You don't have to feed your
- Guitars never argue, you are
- Guitars never wake you up in the
middle of the night, for any reason.
- Guitars never try to show you
off to their friends.
- Guitars don't come home drunk
after a night out with the other Guitars.
- Guitars don't sneak around with
- Guitars don't care what you look
like or what your age is.
- Guitars don't care and don't
comment about what you spend your money on.
- Guitars don't care if you have
to work late.
- When you're playing, your Guitar
doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
- Guitars don't care about their
- Guitars don't get you pregnant.
- Guitars don't have mothers.
- When you've finished playing,
you can put it away.
- You don't have to praise a
Guitar after playing it.
- Guitars don't sulk.
- Guitars don't bore you.
- Guitars don't abandon you at
gatherings for more interesting players.
- Guitars don't have to prove
- Guitars don't try to change you
once you've bought them.
- Guitars don't get jealous of
your male colleagues.
- Guitars never interrogate you.
- Second-hand Guitars don't brag
about previous owners.
- Second-hand Guitars don't go to
see previous owners when you're out of town.
- You don't have to explain to a
Guitar if you don't feel like playing tonight.
- Guitars never put you down, yet
you can put them down whenever you wish.
- Guitars don't complain if you
wear "sensible" clothes.
- Guitars don't have egos.
- Guitars don't need remote
- When you're lost you don't have
to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for
- When your Guitar is being played
too slow, you can speed up.
- When you need someone to play
with, your Guitar is happy to accommodate.
- You buy the tools your Guitar
needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
- You don't have to continually
assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
- You determine the length and
frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
- Your Guitar never finishes
before you do.
- Your Guitar doesn't complain
about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather
than staying at home with it.
- You never get helpful
suggestions from your Guitar's mother.
- Your Guitars will allow you to
play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.
- Your Guitar never complains if
you put on a few pounds.
- When your Guitar is
dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it
can be fixed).
- Your Guitar will never earn more
than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
- Your Guitar never spends a
"night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a
strange rash on its fretboard.
and last, but not least:
- Your Guitar will never turn into
a beer bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of