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Superior Music           Musician JOKES page
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Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the oboe but doesn't.
Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
A: Drive-by trombone solos.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
Q: How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
A: Take the batteries out of his electronic tuner.
Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
A: On or off.
Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Q: What's the difference between a girl singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' tonight... but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?"
Keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then
modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars!"
She claims, "that might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!"
Keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!"
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Q: What do you call a group of lesbians with guns?
A: Militia Etheridge.
Perfect Pitch When the accordion lands square in the middle of the dumpster without hitting the sides
Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning?
A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.