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Superior Music           Musician JOKES page "DRUMMERS" 
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Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q: How do you know when a drummer is at the front door?
A: The knock slows down.

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a 40 foot hole?
A: Lower a drummer into the hole and gross him out.

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
Prince Charming: Two girls are walking along when they hear....."Pssst! Down here!" 
They both look down to see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, 
"Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls look at each other, and one of them reaches down and grabs the frog and stuffs it in her pocket. The other girl says, "What did you do that for?" The first girl replies, "I'm not stupid, I know that a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagen?
A: Farfromthinken
Q: What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without cream
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
Club Dread: A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says, "very bad when drumming stop." At the end of the day, the drumming is still going, and it is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little or no sleep, our traveler is finally fed up, he grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"  
" Bass solo"

Q: What do you call a guy that hangs out with musicians?
A: A Drummer

Q: How many drummers can you fit in a phone booth?
A: None, "There's not enough room in there man!!"
Q: If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A: The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend. 

Q: Why do guitarists put drum sticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Q: Johnny says to his mom: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up!"
A: Mom: "But Johnny,  you can't do both!"
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it
Brain Shop: A lady walks into a store and tells the man behind the counter she would like some musician brains. "Alright," he says, "What kind?" "How much do they cost?" she asks. "Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are guitarists at $7 a pound, those are French Horns at $10 a pound." he replies. "What are those way back there?" she asks. "Those are drummers brains. They cost $1000 a pound, he replies.  "GOODNESS!!" she exclaims. "Why are they so expensive?" "Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!"
A drummer goes in for a haircut but refuses to take off his walkman. The hairdresser does as best she can and then asks again if the headphones could come off, just for a moment so she can finish the job, but the drummer refuses and says that it might kill him to take them off. The hairdresser can't sit and look at this dodgy haircut so she just rips them off and finishes the haircut. After about 30 seconds the drummer just collapses in his seat,.......dead. The hairdresser can't resist listening to this life giving music, so she puts on the headphones and hears "Breath in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out......."

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
Q - How do you tell if the stage is level?
A - The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth!
A drummer tried to teach himself to play the flute.
After practicing for months, he still could not get a good tone from it.
He finally decided that he was hitting it too hard with the stick.

Drummer Audition
He sits at the drums and the band leader says, "Can you play a samba pattern with your bass drum?"

The drummer obliges with a boob b boom samba pattern.  The leader then asks "can you add a Mozambique cowbell pattern along with that with your right hand?"

The drummer thinks "I can do that, no problem" and obliges, giving it his best Steve Gadd possible.

He is then told, "Now add a 2-3 clave with your left foot on hi-hat" ..The drummer's struggling a little but gets it happening.

Next he hears "Now add a cascara pattern on the snare with your left hand." Years of studying Gary Chester and listening to world music finally come to fruition and the relieved drummer finds he can play the whole pattern with no problem.

Pleased with himself, he asks the band leader "So, do I get the job?

"No " says the bandleader "that's why we fired the last guy